Tear from her wrinkled eye

Evening’s knock on the door was the favorite delight for her ears, since the never ending day felt like eternities. Every moment without him would make her desire more and more of him.

Every tick on his workplace’s clock felt like a whip, as he was separated from the charm of his life. They both were like an ornament, incomplete without each other; meaningless without each other.

Both tired by the limitless wait of seeing each other, their one hug would be the remedy of every pain they had; pain of losing everything, pain of surviving on the horizon of the society. When you have spent a lot of time in agony, your heart becomes saturated with it. It’s a phase where no other suffering can hurt you, but only a blink of happiness creates a sparkle in your eyes, and you smile in the brightest way possible.

They only had each other, both of them were that blink of happiness for each other. They would smile at each other, they would dance in their small cottage, they would laugh together, they would sing for each other, and then they would cry together. The thought of all this going to end was so overwhelming, that no comfort in the World could quieten their melancholic hearts. Then they would mourn together, and they would comfort each other. This cycle of emotions would go on throughout night.

While she was trying to collect the scattered fragments of those beautiful memories, she realized that thirty years had been passed since she last heard the evening’s knock. She was losing those memories, and there was nothing she could do about it. She would subconsciously pray that no more memories may fall into the abyss of time. No matter how hard she tried to hold it back, eventually fell the tear from her wrinkled eye.

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Strengthening the thoughts (I)

“I spent the whole night, studying for the exam. Just kept cramming for the final. And now this one thing, one equation, that might have gone out of my short term memory, and now I have NO idea how to solve this question”, this is what I kept thinking during the exam. I closed my eyes, and tried to THINK, but no use. I WANTED to recall what I saw on the book last night.

When I closed my eyes, the whole Universe went out of my sight, and all I could see was some really random patterns, as if it were a visual presentation of what my mind was going through, in order to perform a search operation on a specific visual item. I tried to focus hard, and some vague patterns of a page from a book appeared. Some further focus, and the content of the page became clearer. I could see the orientation, and paragraph layouts. There was some figure drawn as well, a graph. I could barely read some text, but I wanted that specific equation. I knew the exact location of that equation on the page. Focusing on and on, I could see the variables and operators that composed the equation. As I was getting closer, it was becoming harder and harder to focus. I was spending my energy, as well as my time, because that one equation could lead me to 10 straight marks in no time. At this moment, I could feel the physical pain, as if it were telling me get out of this inner World. The pain kept on increasing, but I wasn’t willing to quit. I JUST WANTED TO RECALL THE DAMN EQUATION. *snap* “Half of the time has passed”, a voice came, which wasn’t from the World I was in at the moment, but it helped me enough go get back to my real location, with respect to my physical dimensions. Now I barely had the courage to maintain that focus again, but I was sure enough that the information was NOT lost. It was still inside, I just had to find a way to access it.

And in case if you’re wondering why I didn’t finish it in this post, well, honestly, I hate these walls of never ending text. I’ll most probably not read the text where I have to scroll down till the end,not even on 9gag. I mean, SOME scrolling is fine, but A LOT of scrolling isn’t acceptable.

Thursdays are the new Mondays

I’m a final year student (semi-final year, actually. Because the degree “SOMEHOW MAGICALLY” got delayed by 6 months), and like anyone else, I’m almost sick of following a timetable. Just like a normal human being (although I shouldn’t be like this), I’m also afraid of work. I would never have gone to the University if that attendance wasn’t compulsory, because I’d simply ask for the notes from other students, if and only if they wouldn’t adopt a mentality like mine of not going.

Although Monday is a nightmare for people (if you’re someone who doesn’t go anywhere for work, school, or anything, then you may quit reading, because the feeling isn’t worth it), but I’m more afraid of my Thursdays. The reason is simple; hectic day, from 9:30 AM to 6:30 PM, I get a single break during the 11:00 AM to 12:30 PM window, and rest is a “planned sequential physical and mental torture”.

Because I’m afraid of Thursday so much, I wish that it never appears. But, just like a normal human mindset, I feel like Thursdays come faster than any other day. It’s like reading the phrase “MondayTuesdayWednesdayTTHHUURRSSSSSDAAAYYY”. And now, I don’t know how to exactly explain it, but this is a blessing in disguise, because the weekend is “JUST” ahead. Fridays passe like a charm, and THERE!

The whole feeling is amazing, because Thursdays help my mind not to think of the first three days of the week too much, and allowing them to pass really quickly, and then with one hectic day, I have a weekend ahead. So, in short, it helps me to realize that how close a weekend is, hence maintaining a state of psychological equilibrium inside my head by being good, and bad to me at the same time.

Me: “Damn, the weekend’s over”
AnotherMe: “Don’t worry, Thursday is JUST here”

P.S: Did I mention that we have a lot of assignments and project deliverables to be completed on weekends? Yes. The weekends equally suck!

Women across the border

I was supposed to talk about the women on our side of the border, but I believe, that both the nations are like mirrors when it comes to the life of an Indo-Pakistani “Woman”. So, discussing your conditions would simply relate to ours as well, and vice-versa. There is a huge….really really huge difference between the status of a Woman shown on media, and her real status in the society. Those actresses, politicians, anchors, celebrities, wearing silk clothes, and desperately promoting themselves to become a symbol of high hopes….they do not even promote 0.1% of the Women of this region. What I believe is, that women in this region are like a candle, which is being burnt from both the ends. From one side, they are under the influence of male-dominance, and secondly, the society has adopted the mentality that a woman has no ability of stand up on her own feet. The reality is, that everyone is to be blamed equally for such condition of women.
I’ll highlight the the condition of the majority. Whenever a farmer commits suicide, it is her widowed wife who has to
spend her whole life in agony, fearing that how will her children raise without their father around them. Whenever a
soldier dies on border, it is a woman who loses a father, a brother, a son. I feel like I’m being forced to say things related to wars, killings, and violence. Maybe the reason is, that our nations had no peaceful history from their births. I wish, with the core of my heart, that one day, I may tell the World what real peace is, and use our friendship as the bright example.
We know that a Kashmiri shawl will look as good on an Indian woman, as the Rajistani Jewellery would look on a Pakistani woman. Every Indian woman would like to have clay pot that is “Made in Gujrat”, and every Pakistani woman wold love to wear that Banarasi Silk Saree. Every Indian woman would love to wear Hyderabadi bangles, and every Pakistani woman would be amused to to have Sanganeri bed-sheets on her bed. That’s what women are.

Ideas that come under the shower are the best ones

2nd of July, 2014:

My 2nd semester in the university had just ended. I got 2 F grades, and had to register for the summer course(s) in order to prevent any breaks in my studies. Bored as hell. Tired as hell. Wanted to do something. I planned to enhance my OOP (Object Oriented Programming) skills by practicing. Gathered some resources, and started. Stuff went very well. Right after 15 minutes, I closed the browser, hibernated my laptop, and went to take a bath. My mind was constantly engaged in some kind of weird thinking. All I wanted was “to make something extreme out of my skills”. Tht was the time I hit upon a great idea. It was to develop a game, based purely on OOP concepts. I tho’t of a war strategy game, as I always felt an immense pleasure in playing them. So, I took a whole night to create a document, where I wrote EVERYTHING that was running in my mind about that game. Documented it, and just sent it to my teacher at the university. The document was attached with the following text:

AoA Sir. Hope you’re enjoying ramzan (with vacations). I’ve thought of this idea. Here is the basic outline. If this gets a functional-looking structure, then I’ll start working on each individual object. I’m planning to complete this by the end of this year, by working on it in small modules of time. Please have a look at this in your spare time, and let me know if I can improve this thinking any further.

He appreciated me for the initiative, encouraged me, and told me that this wasn’t the right time to go for such thing. He told me to gain more experience, as the idea was too advanced for me. He suggested me to take a few courses about game theory on coursera, so that I may have a better understanding about what I’ll be doing. At that time, I felt like Anakin Skywalker, who was being held back by Obiwan Kenobi for no reason. But, unlike Anakin Skywalker, I did obey Obiwan, and took a course on game theory for the better understanding of things.

One year later:

Another month of Ramadan came. Time passed by, and that idea went vague in my mind. A point came, where I completely lost the sense of it. I passed my 3rd semester, got engaged in my 4th semester, and passed it as well. A year passed like a swing of a sword, just a sound of “swoosh”, cutting through my soul. But I was glad, that it just passed, and I had the whole summer in front of me to do whatever the hell I wanted to.

One “bright” night it was, when a classmate of mine called me, and asked me if I wanted to be his partner for the upcoming semester projects. Without a second though, I agreed, as I knew both of us together would scare the hell out of anyone. He told me that he wanted to develop a game. We discussed a lot of game engines, available frameworks, programming languages to focus on, and similar stuff. It took us several days to decide the best suitable tools for us. We had decided to go for an RPG (Role Playing Game). For the next few days, both of us kept on focusing that “where to start?”. “What to do first?”. This was another problem for us.

2nd of July, 2015:

So, one random night, I was constantly thinking about the idea. “It should be something great”, that’s what I kept on saying to myself. Again, I went to take a bath, and suddenly, an idea hit upon my mind. “That game”. That was one of the strongest brainwaves my mind had ever felt. But the document which I created wasn’t present in my laptop anymore. Just then I recalled that I had sent it to Obiwan. Good enough. I scrolled all the way up, reading all the previous chat, realizing that how stupid I was a year ago. Took me literally 15 minutes to reach that document. I downloaded that document, clenched my fists with excitement, and just before closing the chat-box, I happened to look at the date on which the document was sent, just because I read the line “AoA Sir. Hope you’re enjoying ramzan (with vacations)“. Well. Shockingly, it was 2nd of July, 2014.

It was the same idea, came to my mind at the same place (under my shower), the same months (Ramadan, July), and the same date (2nd of July).

ISAAC NEWTON (1642–1727)

newton

Newton was born in the village of Woolsthorpe, England. His father died before he was born and his mother raised him on the family farm. As a youth he showed little evidence of his later brilliance, except for an unusual talent with mechanical devices—he apparently built a working water clock and a toy flour mill powered by a mouse. In 1661 he entered Trinity College in Cambridge with a deficiency in geometry. Fortunately, Newton caught the eye of Isaac Barrow, a gifted mathematician and teacher. Under Barrow’s guidance Newton immersed himself in mathematics and science, but he graduated without any special distinction. Because the bubonic plague was spreading rapidly through London, Newton returned to his home in Woolsthorpe and stayed there during the years of 1665 and 1666. In those two momentous years the entire framework of modern science was miraculously created in Newton’s mind. He discovered calculus, recognized the underlying principles of planetary motion and gravity, and determined that “white” sunlight was composed of all colors, red to violet. For whatever reasons he kept his discoveries to himself. In 1667 he returned to Cambridge to obtain his Master’s degree and upon graduation became a teacher at Trinity. Then in 1669 Newton succeeded his teacher, Isaac Barrow, to the Lucasian chair of mathematics at Trinity, one of the most honored chairs of mathematics in the world.

Thereafter, brilliant discoveries flowed from Newton steadily. He formulated the law of gravitation and used it to explain the motion of the moon, the planets, and the tides; he formulated basic theories of light, thermodynamics, and hydrodynamics; and he devised and constructed the first modern reflecting telescope. Throughout his life Newton was hesitant to publish his major discoveries, revealing them only to a select circle of friends, perhaps because of a fear of criticism or controversy. In 1687, only after intense coaxing by the astronomer, Edmond Halley (discoverer of Halley’s comet), did Newton publish his masterpiece, Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica (The Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy). This work is generally considered to be the most important and influential scientific book ever written. In it Newton explained the workings of the solar system and formulated the basic laws of motion, which to this day are fundamental in engineering and physics. However, not even the pleas of his friends could convince Newton to publish his discovery of calculus. Only after Leibniz published his results did Newton relent and publish his own work on calculus. After twenty-five years as a professor, Newton suffered depression and a nervous breakdown. He gave up research in 1695 to accept a position as warden and later master of the London mint. During the twenty-five years that he worked at the mint, he did virtually no scientific or mathematical work. He was knighted in 1705 and on his death was buried in Westminster Abbey with all the honors his country could bestow. It is interesting to note that Newton was a learned theologian who viewed the primary value of his work to be its support of the existence of God. Throughout his life he worked passionately to date biblical events by relating them to astronomical phenomena. He was so consumed with this passion that he spent years searching the Book of Daniel for clues to the end of the world and the geography of hell. Newton described his brilliant accomplishments as follows:

I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.

–CALCULUS: Early Transcendentals 9.E

 

 

Where was this moment of mine?

The problem with my way of study is, that I aways try to interpret the concepts into their physical form.
And today, when I tried to study maths will my full devotion, I was amazed by the beauty of it. The perfection, the sequence, it felt like everything was going to be like I wanted it to be. Those scary looking mathematical expressions, complicated, and mind-torturing. I had never payed much attention to maths, just because I thought I wasn’t the one who can do it. But today (don’t know where the inspiration came from), I “attempted” to learn it, and all I could feel was: “Yeh lamha kahan tha mera?” (Where was this moment of mine?)

#BrokeTheShacklesOfFear