Being someone with a blind faith in a Supreme Being, I’ve never felt alone, unattended, or lost. Since the time I gained some sense of thinking, I’ve been taught that a prayer from a true heart is listened, and answered. I’ve been told that prayers have the power to alter the destiny.
(Some say that God re-writes how your life-story goes, some say that the destiny is conditional, it decides a path after every phase; i-e it’s like a Y-intersection road. When your prayer gets accepted, your life story moves in one way, otherwise it moves in the other way. There can be more than two options. But this is a total different topic.)
I always had one prayer. Nothing less, nothing more. It was just one, but a smart one. After every time I offered my obligatory prayers, every time visiting a mosque, after every fast, I just asked God to give me some inner peace. Peace for my mind, and peace for my soul. I just don’t want to get frustrated, tensed, and depressed over things which will eventually be over. (Pretty much like a normal person. It’s a common sense to avoid depression)
Every time I prayed for this, my intentions were like, nothing bad should happen. I shouldn’t fail any course. I should get good company. I should be able to meet the deadlines. I should spend more time with the family. I should be able to get rid of some extra weight. Basically, I wanted everything to happen which brings peace of mind, and I wanted to avoid everything which takes away that peace of mind.
It was probably some random, unheard, and unknown moment in my life when things started to change. I finally had the feeling that my mind was at peace all the time. Yes, true peace. I started to love it. The depression, the anxiety, and every negativity one can think of, it went away. With all of my calm mind, I finally could have peace in every breath I took.
Within this beautiful feeling of happiness of a sole prayer which got finally answered, I happened to figure out something really (like, Reealllyy) fishy. Everything… kinda, backfired! I tried to play smart, having one prayer, and was taught a really well lesson. Bad things were still happening. I wasn’t getting good company, in fact, I got separated from the best people I knew, I wasn’t meeting the deadlines. I was still failing my courses. I wasn’t able to spend time with my family. I gained like, 16 kilograms extra. EVERYTHING, which could cause some severe depression was happening, but… I was still at peace. Inner peace was something which I had so much, that I even started to share it with the people around me.
What have I become? Have I stopped caring? No, I still care about things, and manage them, but I simply don’t get stressed in case something goes wrong. I got what I wanted, but it made things worse (and I’m still at peace because no matter how much worse it gets, I just can not get depressed, or tensed over it.)
I. Have. Become. Unfuckwithable. *badumtss*
P.S: I “might” give a fuck if something really bad happens, like WW3, or if Jon Snow doesn’t become the King in the end, or my degree gets further delayed, or… you know, the one who’s reading it dies. Doesn’t mean I’ll definitely be worried, but at least there are some chances. Cheers!