Strengthening the thoughts (I)

“I spent the whole night, studying for the exam. Just kept cramming for the final. And now this one thing, one equation, that might have gone out of my short term memory, and now I have NO idea how to solve this question”, this is what I kept thinking during the exam. I closed my eyes, and tried to THINK, but no use. I WANTED to recall what I saw on the book last night.

When I closed my eyes, the whole Universe went out of my sight, and all I could see was some really random patterns, as if it were a visual presentation of what my mind was going through, in order to perform a search operation on a specific visual item. I tried to focus hard, and some vague patterns of a page from a book appeared. Some further focus, and the content of the page became clearer. I could see the orientation, and paragraph layouts. There was some figure drawn as well, a graph. I could barely read some text, but I wanted that specific equation. I knew the exact location of that equation on the page. Focusing on and on, I could see the variables and operators that composed the equation. As I was getting closer, it was becoming harder and harder to focus. I was spending my energy, as well as my time, because that one equation could lead me to 10 straight marks in no time. At this moment, I could feel the physical pain, as if it were telling me get out of this inner World. The pain kept on increasing, but I wasn’t willing to quit. I JUST WANTED TO RECALL THE DAMN EQUATION. *snap* “Half of the time has passed”, a voice came, which wasn’t from the World I was in at the moment, but it helped me enough go get back to my real location, with respect to my physical dimensions. Now I barely had the courage to maintain that focus again, but I was sure enough that the information was NOT lost. It was still inside, I just had to find a way to access it.

And in case if you’re wondering why I didn’t finish it in this post, well, honestly, I hate these walls of never ending text. I’ll most probably not read the text where I have to scroll down till the end,not even on 9gag. I mean, SOME scrolling is fine, but A LOT of scrolling isn’t acceptable.

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Ideas that come under the shower are the best ones

2nd of July, 2014:

My 2nd semester in the university had just ended. I got 2 F grades, and had to register for the summer course(s) in order to prevent any breaks in my studies. Bored as hell. Tired as hell. Wanted to do something. I planned to enhance my OOP (Object Oriented Programming) skills by practicing. Gathered some resources, and started. Stuff went very well. Right after 15 minutes, I closed the browser, hibernated my laptop, and went to take a bath. My mind was constantly engaged in some kind of weird thinking. All I wanted was “to make something extreme out of my skills”. Tht was the time I hit upon a great idea. It was to develop a game, based purely on OOP concepts. I tho’t of a war strategy game, as I always felt an immense pleasure in playing them. So, I took a whole night to create a document, where I wrote EVERYTHING that was running in my mind about that game. Documented it, and just sent it to my teacher at the university. The document was attached with the following text:

AoA Sir. Hope you’re enjoying ramzan (with vacations). I’ve thought of this idea. Here is the basic outline. If this gets a functional-looking structure, then I’ll start working on each individual object. I’m planning to complete this by the end of this year, by working on it in small modules of time. Please have a look at this in your spare time, and let me know if I can improve this thinking any further.

He appreciated me for the initiative, encouraged me, and told me that this wasn’t the right time to go for such thing. He told me to gain more experience, as the idea was too advanced for me. He suggested me to take a few courses about game theory on coursera, so that I may have a better understanding about what I’ll be doing. At that time, I felt like Anakin Skywalker, who was being held back by Obiwan Kenobi for no reason. But, unlike Anakin Skywalker, I did obey Obiwan, and took a course on game theory for the better understanding of things.

One year later:

Another month of Ramadan came. Time passed by, and that idea went vague in my mind. A point came, where I completely lost the sense of it. I passed my 3rd semester, got engaged in my 4th semester, and passed it as well. A year passed like a swing of a sword, just a sound of “swoosh”, cutting through my soul. But I was glad, that it just passed, and I had the whole summer in front of me to do whatever the hell I wanted to.

One “bright” night it was, when a classmate of mine called me, and asked me if I wanted to be his partner for the upcoming semester projects. Without a second though, I agreed, as I knew both of us together would scare the hell out of anyone. He told me that he wanted to develop a game. We discussed a lot of game engines, available frameworks, programming languages to focus on, and similar stuff. It took us several days to decide the best suitable tools for us. We had decided to go for an RPG (Role Playing Game). For the next few days, both of us kept on focusing that “where to start?”. “What to do first?”. This was another problem for us.

2nd of July, 2015:

So, one random night, I was constantly thinking about the idea. “It should be something great”, that’s what I kept on saying to myself. Again, I went to take a bath, and suddenly, an idea hit upon my mind. “That game”. That was one of the strongest brainwaves my mind had ever felt. But the document which I created wasn’t present in my laptop anymore. Just then I recalled that I had sent it to Obiwan. Good enough. I scrolled all the way up, reading all the previous chat, realizing that how stupid I was a year ago. Took me literally 15 minutes to reach that document. I downloaded that document, clenched my fists with excitement, and just before closing the chat-box, I happened to look at the date on which the document was sent, just because I read the line “AoA Sir. Hope you’re enjoying ramzan (with vacations)“. Well. Shockingly, it was 2nd of July, 2014.

It was the same idea, came to my mind at the same place (under my shower), the same months (Ramadan, July), and the same date (2nd of July).

Where was this moment of mine?

The problem with my way of study is, that I aways try to interpret the concepts into their physical form.
And today, when I tried to study maths will my full devotion, I was amazed by the beauty of it. The perfection, the sequence, it felt like everything was going to be like I wanted it to be. Those scary looking mathematical expressions, complicated, and mind-torturing. I had never payed much attention to maths, just because I thought I wasn’t the one who can do it. But today (don’t know where the inspiration came from), I “attempted” to learn it, and all I could feel was: “Yeh lamha kahan tha mera?” (Where was this moment of mine?)

#BrokeTheShacklesOfFear